My cat Lily yowling constantly on a cool Tuesday evening... I'm about to go nuts when my other cat Thompson starts yowling too, from downstairs. Outside the wind is mellow and pushing a lovely Ocean calm into my second story bedroom. I'm trying to work on this new writing project, high on Vicadin, Fat Tire and now I've switched to my trusty Sierra Nevada. Intermittently I'm chewing chunks of Bret Easton Ellis's brilliant new novel Imperial Bedrooms into the mess within me and ringing his paranoic style for all the inspiration it's worth (no small amount). There is a gaping hole in my mouth where blood has clotted over but occasionally surprises me with a stringy, iron-tasting dribble down the back of my throat.
Downstairs A Place To Bury Strangers is jamming at max volume. Fuck my neighbors (nothing personal).
I tip my beer but not before thinking that something urgent is transpiring somewhere in the forest of neural pathways etched into the meat between my ears.
The sun is down, it's 8:05 PM and although the chemicals and cool air are causing my fingers to lag a bit my mind is racing. I've got to get this down, got to get this down...
Two A.M. Corridor is the story of a bartender and the people he surrounds himself in an attempt to make the easy buck, get the girl who is already been explained to him is off limits and somehow avoid the frenzy of supernatural chaos that may or may not be the power behind one of the world's biggest hotel chains. Good luck Ray, you're gonna need it.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Thursday, June 10, 2010
dreeee-min
Dreams
Funny...
A couple weeks ago I inexplicably had this old 80's pop song in my head.
For weeks.
Dreamin' ("I'll be dreee-min, dree-min"). I knew the artist was someone that had been a beauty queen or actress. I remembered sitting in the Little Theatre at Palos South ~7th grade and hearing this on a radio in a hallway - the memory was in fact similar to a dream in its ethereal opaqueness. I couldn't remember who sang it, and at the times throughout the day when it would surface in my consciousness,, I would vehemently swear I was going to go home and use that handy little iTunes store to figure out who it was. I would always forget because, honestly, it's a nostalgic indulgence. I mean, admittedly, I did, when it entered my realm of awareness, like the song. Not in a "I Like this fucking song kind of way," but it had a kind of haunting melody, even for a throw away pop song. Anyway, enough of me coming to terms with saying in public that I like trite drivel and onward to the phenomenon.
More recently it popped into my head at work somehow and my friend Manny, pop-master, knew it. "Vanessa Williams is stuck in your head?" or something similar was his question. We laughed about it.
Now I wake up this morning (no no no, this afternoon! I don't get to say that all that often anymore) and I am, for like the 10th straight day or something, bowled over by my dreams. I mean, I have always hungered for dreams and other's dream-related stories, but I have not really had many dreams to remember in waking life IN YEARS. And yet, I'm sitting here today and I can tell you what I dreamt yesterday in clear, vivid detail. And now this afternoon I woke with another one. So I ask, has the song "Dreamin" and figuring out who sang it somehow unlocked my dreams for me? If so, I would like to state here and now so that Ms. Williams might read it if, her career now long since over, she is googling herself and comes across my meager blog. Ms. Williams, I would like a dream where Penguins are elected into office in the United States. I would also like one where I punch Anthony Keidis of the Red Hot Chili Peppers in the face. Thank You Ms. Williams.
Now, here is yesterdays dream to a "T".
10/02/07
I dreamt about leaving work to try and run down the street to the Albertsons (that Jewel to you Midwest folk) to buy Oreo cookies because in real day to day life they have become what I call work-crack (see below for definition) and I had failed to bring any. So instead of driving I hoof it and discover a little White Hen (that's a 7-11 type stand alone convenience store for you cali folk, a type that does not exist here as far as I've seen) and I duck in to buy oreos and wait in a line behind some bizarre, almost thuggish characters and when I finally get up to the front to pay the guy has short reddish-brown, greasy hair of medium length slicked back behind a backwards turned mesh-in-back ballcap and is smoking a cigarette. he rings me up and we somehow start talking about money or our mutual lack there of and then when I walk out onto the sidewalk and head back to work I find two, One hudnred dollar bills on the sidewalk, just sitting there, neatly placed. I look around and pick them up and start walking and then I hear the sound of an approaching skaeboarder behind me. I get this ominous impression like it is the skateboarders money that I have taken and I try to move faster because now there is this encroaching hostility over taking me, but as I move I move slow because my legs are stuck in this weird, cross-legged style sitting position, even though I'm standing, walking no less. Then the dream ends with me frantically looking over my shoulder at the encroaching, faceless skateboarder.
Hopefully this will mean I find $200 bucks in real life (Wink Wink Ms. Williams. Or, shit, maybe Ms. Williams controls dreams and, (mind racing to find a Ms. Williams counter-point) ahh, Paula Abdul governs reality? NOOOOOOO (throws his arms up in the arm) NOOOOO! NOOOOOO!
Glossary:
Work-crack: whatever food or substance you turn back to repeatedly during work days to comfort and propel you through. Some examples would be coffee, oreos, vodka, crack, whatever the individual in question prefers.
If anyone cares (and how could you after this long-winded nonsense. Geez, I should really take a tip from Dan Brown and make ever page a chapter, or is that every chapter a page?) I'll post today's dream later.
Currently listening:
20th Century Boy: The Ultimate Collection
By Marc Bolan
Release date: 20 August, 2002
More recently it popped into my head at work somehow and my friend Manny, pop-master, knew it. "Vanessa Williams is stuck in your head?" or something similar was his question. We laughed about it.
Now I wake up this morning (no no no, this afternoon! I don't get to say that all that often anymore) and I am, for like the 10th straight day or something, bowled over by my dreams. I mean, I have always hungered for dreams and other's dream-related stories, but I have not really had many dreams to remember in waking life IN YEARS. And yet, I'm sitting here today and I can tell you what I dreamt yesterday in clear, vivid detail. And now this afternoon I woke with another one. So I ask, has the song "Dreamin" and figuring out who sang it somehow unlocked my dreams for me? If so, I would like to state here and now so that Ms. Williams might read it if, her career now long since over, she is googling herself and comes across my meager blog. Ms. Williams, I would like a dream where Penguins are elected into office in the United States. I would also like one where I punch Anthony Keidis of the Red Hot Chili Peppers in the face. Thank You Ms. Williams.
Now, here is yesterdays dream to a "T".
10/02/07
I dreamt about leaving work to try and run down the street to the Albertsons (that Jewel to you Midwest folk) to buy Oreo cookies because in real day to day life they have become what I call work-crack (see below for definition) and I had failed to bring any. So instead of driving I hoof it and discover a little White Hen (that's a 7-11 type stand alone convenience store for you cali folk, a type that does not exist here as far as I've seen) and I duck in to buy oreos and wait in a line behind some bizarre, almost thuggish characters and when I finally get up to the front to pay the guy has short reddish-brown, greasy hair of medium length slicked back behind a backwards turned mesh-in-back ballcap and is smoking a cigarette. he rings me up and we somehow start talking about money or our mutual lack there of and then when I walk out onto the sidewalk and head back to work I find two, One hudnred dollar bills on the sidewalk, just sitting there, neatly placed. I look around and pick them up and start walking and then I hear the sound of an approaching skaeboarder behind me. I get this ominous impression like it is the skateboarders money that I have taken and I try to move faster because now there is this encroaching hostility over taking me, but as I move I move slow because my legs are stuck in this weird, cross-legged style sitting position, even though I'm standing, walking no less. Then the dream ends with me frantically looking over my shoulder at the encroaching, faceless skateboarder.
Hopefully this will mean I find $200 bucks in real life (Wink Wink Ms. Williams. Or, shit, maybe Ms. Williams controls dreams and, (mind racing to find a Ms. Williams counter-point) ahh, Paula Abdul governs reality? NOOOOOOO (throws his arms up in the arm) NOOOOO! NOOOOOO!
Glossary:
Work-crack: whatever food or substance you turn back to repeatedly during work days to comfort and propel you through. Some examples would be coffee, oreos, vodka, crack, whatever the individual in question prefers.
If anyone cares (and how could you after this long-winded nonsense. Geez, I should really take a tip from Dan Brown and make ever page a chapter, or is that every chapter a page?) I'll post today's dream later.
Currently listening:
20th Century Boy: The Ultimate Collection
By Marc Bolan
Release date: 20 August, 2002
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
The big fish
I stepped out of the shower this afternoon and while doing some deep breathing exercises I usually try to step into my day with for the first time I think ever I felt something behind the mask of the ego scaffold I so adamantly stick to.
I felt a quiet. Not an introspective quiet but a vast ocean of calm underneath the clothes I dress myself in when I step out of my mind and onto the stage where I interact with all of these other marvelous souls. It felt raw and primal and... powerful.
I'm going back in, after it, and suddenly I understand what David Lynch called the 'big fish'.
I felt a quiet. Not an introspective quiet but a vast ocean of calm underneath the clothes I dress myself in when I step out of my mind and onto the stage where I interact with all of these other marvelous souls. It felt raw and primal and... powerful.
I'm going back in, after it, and suddenly I understand what David Lynch called the 'big fish'.
Friday, November 13, 2009
The Smiths
I can't get them out of my head. I've never felt like this about a band before. Not that they're better or I like them more than other bands, but they're resonating with me in ways that are really kind of creepy. I'm not usually one to pay super attention to lyrics but Morrissey gets to me - he's able to capture in a few simple lines some of the most important, daunting ideas of what it is to live and love...
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Fuck you november 12th 2009
Fuck You November 12th 2009. You batter me for 9 hours with corporate-bullshit stress that makes my soul leak through my eyes, then you take my friend from me. Fuck you - I'll drive a nail the size of a gallon of alcohol through your heart and leave you dead and behind me when I wake up tomorrow in a world with one less person I love in it.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Life, the Universe and everything really worth thinking about (if you are in the habit of thinking too much)!!!
So, a long time ago I promised this in a strange aside kinda manner, and while I'm sure everyone who read it thought it was a joke, I can assure you, it most certainly is not. For damn near ten years now I have been, when not distracted by this large, slippery and often disabling thing called modern life, obsessed with cracking the codes this thing we call reality is written in. In the grand scheme of things I'm not really any further along today than I was when I started this, but I have learned an interesting trick or three, along with a wealth of information that alternately turns on and off, like some cosmic tap for bigger-than-human-life information. Not information as the two-dimensional whirly gig that flitters faster and faster through our constantly shrinking attention spans, but information as living, breathing, reality-altering substance. When actively engaged, the right information would appear more as an alien abduction than a boring snore through some ledger of letters and numbers.
Alright, I'm going to pause now to re-fill my coffee cup (my very large coffee cup) and when I return, we will begin...
SHAWN'S ATTEMPT TO EXPLAIN IT ALL
Warning, this is going to begin as a series of posts of loosely intermittent information that will then tie together in the end. I hope. Anyone who reads this should keep in mind I by no means consider myself any kind of expert or enlightened individual, and thus this is as much an attempt to coalesce and congeal this stuff for myself as for anyone else. I just figured, why not do it in public, might be fun for others to watch me run around the proverbial page like a chicken with its head chopped off.
Okay, first we should start at the microscopic level. See, one thing I am sure of is we as humans are so caught up in ourselves and things taking place on our level of experience, we forget or downright snub all the other limitless levels of existence that actually help make what we see around us exist. There is an age old Hermetic maxim, and every good book on Science or Magick quotes it at least once, because it is a good compass point to mark when beginning a journey such as this. AS ABOVE, SO BELOW - in its most concise form. What this means is that the universal relationships, why's, wherefore's and properties that exist on any one of these levels of existence, as in simplicity's sake we'll say the microscopic, they also repeat in all the other levels, as let's say, the macroscopic. This means that some of the same behavior we see Electrons, Neutrons, Quarks, and all their tiny brethren exhibiting is repeated with people, planets, stars, etc. A good, simple example of this is the idea of the orbit. Planets orbit the stars that grant them life, and Electrons orbit the nucleus of an atom. ONLY this idea has changed, and I interrupt the simple definition now in an attempt to introduce a new idea forthwith. For a long time this idea of the particles of an atom mirroring the behavior of the stars worked, that is until the inception of Quantum Mechanics.
Now, in Quantum Mechanics, arguably one of the most important ideas that arose was Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle, which essentially says that the more you try to pinpoint the exact location of a quantum particle the more uncertain its location becomes. This is roughly due to the idea that in the time it takes to receive the light to view the particle it has changed position. Herein is the advent of the Ground State Fluctuations. Now think about this...
If you consider Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle you immediately see that while it is common place to consider matter as being made up of particles you'll realize that if those particles move fast enough that we cannot see them then wait a minute, doesn't that mean they're behaving more like waves than particles? Ahh... so what do we call something that sometimes behaves like a particle and sometimes like a wave?
We call it a 'Quanta'. Quanta is a measurement - often h*j where h= Planck's Constant and j= an amount of radiation.
Anyway, if the Universe is made up of these quanta, which are always moving, there would be a constant accumulation of energy. These are Ground State Fluctuations and they occur on such a small scale that they are responsible, to some degree, for the physical essences that make up our world (what people used to refer to as Eyther, Aether, Ayether and all other manner of spellings). Matter, from the desk my hands now type against, to my actual body are complimenting quanta all vibrating (or moving, as in ground state) at the same or similar speeds. This is why some of the Universe we see, some we feel, some we taste, smell, hear, etcetera, and some are just plain invisible to us in every way. This is why some materials bend to our strength and others do not. What moves at the same or similar speeds interacts or appears to one another. This opens us up for the idea of different 'Dimensions' because they are things vibrating at different, or non-complimentary speeds to our own and those could be said, for us, to exist in different dimensions...
Alright, I'm going to pause now to re-fill my coffee cup (my very large coffee cup) and when I return, we will begin...
SHAWN'S ATTEMPT TO EXPLAIN IT ALL
Warning, this is going to begin as a series of posts of loosely intermittent information that will then tie together in the end. I hope. Anyone who reads this should keep in mind I by no means consider myself any kind of expert or enlightened individual, and thus this is as much an attempt to coalesce and congeal this stuff for myself as for anyone else. I just figured, why not do it in public, might be fun for others to watch me run around the proverbial page like a chicken with its head chopped off.
Okay, first we should start at the microscopic level. See, one thing I am sure of is we as humans are so caught up in ourselves and things taking place on our level of experience, we forget or downright snub all the other limitless levels of existence that actually help make what we see around us exist. There is an age old Hermetic maxim, and every good book on Science or Magick quotes it at least once, because it is a good compass point to mark when beginning a journey such as this. AS ABOVE, SO BELOW - in its most concise form. What this means is that the universal relationships, why's, wherefore's and properties that exist on any one of these levels of existence, as in simplicity's sake we'll say the microscopic, they also repeat in all the other levels, as let's say, the macroscopic. This means that some of the same behavior we see Electrons, Neutrons, Quarks, and all their tiny brethren exhibiting is repeated with people, planets, stars, etc. A good, simple example of this is the idea of the orbit. Planets orbit the stars that grant them life, and Electrons orbit the nucleus of an atom. ONLY this idea has changed, and I interrupt the simple definition now in an attempt to introduce a new idea forthwith. For a long time this idea of the particles of an atom mirroring the behavior of the stars worked, that is until the inception of Quantum Mechanics.
Now, in Quantum Mechanics, arguably one of the most important ideas that arose was Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle, which essentially says that the more you try to pinpoint the exact location of a quantum particle the more uncertain its location becomes. This is roughly due to the idea that in the time it takes to receive the light to view the particle it has changed position. Herein is the advent of the Ground State Fluctuations. Now think about this...
If you consider Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle you immediately see that while it is common place to consider matter as being made up of particles you'll realize that if those particles move fast enough that we cannot see them then wait a minute, doesn't that mean they're behaving more like waves than particles? Ahh... so what do we call something that sometimes behaves like a particle and sometimes like a wave?
We call it a 'Quanta'. Quanta is a measurement - often h*j where h= Planck's Constant and j= an amount of radiation.
Anyway, if the Universe is made up of these quanta, which are always moving, there would be a constant accumulation of energy. These are Ground State Fluctuations and they occur on such a small scale that they are responsible, to some degree, for the physical essences that make up our world (what people used to refer to as Eyther, Aether, Ayether and all other manner of spellings). Matter, from the desk my hands now type against, to my actual body are complimenting quanta all vibrating (or moving, as in ground state) at the same or similar speeds. This is why some of the Universe we see, some we feel, some we taste, smell, hear, etcetera, and some are just plain invisible to us in every way. This is why some materials bend to our strength and others do not. What moves at the same or similar speeds interacts or appears to one another. This opens us up for the idea of different 'Dimensions' because they are things vibrating at different, or non-complimentary speeds to our own and those could be said, for us, to exist in different dimensions...
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Rain
So I've been in Chicago for six days and it has rained everyday.
This is good.
However for the last two and a half days I've been sick.
This is bad.
I ended up postponing my flight back by two days (from Monday to Wed). This has been both nice and difficult. Difficult because I miss my wife and cats, nice because I get to spend more time with my Mom and Dad, kibitzing around the house of my birth (which I get womb-like inspiration from) and driving around in the rain.
The Rain.
I don't get hardly any in Southern California, and although I sure as hell would NEVER want to live in Chicago full time again I can't wait until I can come back whenever I want, stay as long as I want and soak up the rain in a leisurely fashion. I've driven by Bachelor's Grove twice today - it's perfect weather for the Midwest's most haunted cemetary (in the middle of the freakin' woods no less) and I wasn't able to get there because of this goddamn sinus infection ripping my head apart!!!
Tarot for the day:
1) 6 Wands Victory
2) 7 Disks Failure
3) XVII The Star
4) 2 Disks Change
5) IX The Hermit
6) 8 Disks Prudence
7) 10 Swords Ruin
8) 5 Disks Worry
9) (in this case unseen) Queen of Cups
I'm coming from Victories and Failures. These are the starting points or two main impulses (results?) - I'm trying to move from out from under their one-two punch and have better results. I'm My current main influence are the cosmic forces of Nuit represented by the Star card. This fits with my writing shifting back into a 'cosmic' focus. My most recent previous influence is Change, that is the need to. The future will be driven by The Hermit, which means more isolated work ahead as the lights come on and the shadow forces of inspiration are integrated further into my overall sturcture.
What is in the dark (card 6) is Prudence bright perception, vitality and healthy growth. Also possibly winning by not doing anything. This in particular is interesting as I have a lot of 'feelers' out - queries I sent and still have not received responses for. This may be an area open to Magickal 'Push'. What is in the light is Ruin, which doesn't bother me because my interpretation of that is, ah yeah, I've not gotten any positive response from the queries I did get back, so it's all in what's not yet seen.
Finally where the journey will lead is Worry, but the actual picture on the Worry card shows light shining through the dark gears - in other words I'm inclined to receive this as 'you worry and it dampens your sight, but just behind there be a light.'
Wow, a little poem there. How coffeeshop of me.
Nine isn't interpreted here because 8 wasn't one of the Major Arcana. However, The Queen of Cups is one of my cards, so this is good, interpreted as a familiar.
This is good.
However for the last two and a half days I've been sick.
This is bad.
I ended up postponing my flight back by two days (from Monday to Wed). This has been both nice and difficult. Difficult because I miss my wife and cats, nice because I get to spend more time with my Mom and Dad, kibitzing around the house of my birth (which I get womb-like inspiration from) and driving around in the rain.
The Rain.
I don't get hardly any in Southern California, and although I sure as hell would NEVER want to live in Chicago full time again I can't wait until I can come back whenever I want, stay as long as I want and soak up the rain in a leisurely fashion. I've driven by Bachelor's Grove twice today - it's perfect weather for the Midwest's most haunted cemetary (in the middle of the freakin' woods no less) and I wasn't able to get there because of this goddamn sinus infection ripping my head apart!!!
Tarot for the day:
1) 6 Wands Victory
2) 7 Disks Failure
3) XVII The Star
4) 2 Disks Change
5) IX The Hermit
6) 8 Disks Prudence
7) 10 Swords Ruin
8) 5 Disks Worry
9) (in this case unseen) Queen of Cups
I'm coming from Victories and Failures. These are the starting points or two main impulses (results?) - I'm trying to move from out from under their one-two punch and have better results. I'm My current main influence are the cosmic forces of Nuit represented by the Star card. This fits with my writing shifting back into a 'cosmic' focus. My most recent previous influence is Change, that is the need to. The future will be driven by The Hermit, which means more isolated work ahead as the lights come on and the shadow forces of inspiration are integrated further into my overall sturcture.
What is in the dark (card 6) is Prudence bright perception, vitality and healthy growth. Also possibly winning by not doing anything. This in particular is interesting as I have a lot of 'feelers' out - queries I sent and still have not received responses for. This may be an area open to Magickal 'Push'. What is in the light is Ruin, which doesn't bother me because my interpretation of that is, ah yeah, I've not gotten any positive response from the queries I did get back, so it's all in what's not yet seen.
Finally where the journey will lead is Worry, but the actual picture on the Worry card shows light shining through the dark gears - in other words I'm inclined to receive this as 'you worry and it dampens your sight, but just behind there be a light.'
Wow, a little poem there. How coffeeshop of me.
Nine isn't interpreted here because 8 wasn't one of the Major Arcana. However, The Queen of Cups is one of my cards, so this is good, interpreted as a familiar.
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