The Cure's Disintegration, the song, has been skipping on a loop for well over an hour now. I can't turn it off. The relentless emotional beating that this song chronicles is one of the most influential things I have ever experienced. It always sends me to create. I listen to the beautifully layered music and I become amped.
The pitch-shift chorus effect that gives Robert Smith a surreal backing vocal effect that sounds like children crying out in the rain. The staccato guitar effect (is that a guitar I've always wondered?) that stabs like a painful memory, persistantly spinning 'round and around' like a fresh wound, taking apart notions of this thing you call your life.
Who are you? Why are some choices wrong? Why are some lives doorways to pain and regret? These are demons I don't personally toil with daily anymore, but this album, this song especially really puts me into a story; its part The Crow*, part Neil Gaiman's Sandman**, part Frank Miller's Sin City and part fragments I have lived and written, in my days and in my nights, in my head and in my dreams, over and over again in that part of me that's not me but some crazy fictitious character I've been developing in my stories and scripts, written or only half-glimpsed, since I was a Sophmore in what they appropriately call high school.
Now, if only it would rain.
*The GN, not the piece of shit movie.
**Specifically Rose and the Doll's House trade.